From: Tom B <kaladorn@g...>
Date: Thu, 19 Sep 2002 13:16:35 -0400
Subject: Which nation are you, part 687
Your platoon has been ordered to execute an attack which you, as an experienced soldier and platoon commander, believe offers a high risk of excessive casualties and a low likelihood of success. Your response to the order is: 1. In a reasonable manner, raise your concerns. Express the factual basis for your worries. If the concerns are allayed, accept the order. If the concerns are ignored, consider escalating up the chain of command. If all else fails, brew some tea and give the chaps the bad news. 2. Accept the order (orders are orders and an Army is built on discipline), then convene with your senior NCOs and work like die Teuffel to develop an attack plan which minimizes casualties and enhances success odds. 3. Accept the order (the Commisar's sidearm resting on your temple is a great incentive) and attempt to carry it out because getting shot from the front by the enemy is at least more respectable than getting shot in the back by the Commisar. 4. Call the commander some very colourful things, speculate on the nature of his parentage, call into question his intelligence, judgement, and personal sanitation habits. Then, after he returns the favour, grumble, accept the order, and carry it out to the last man. C'est la guerre. 5. Tell the commander he's a "bleedin' loony b*st*rd". Then ask him how much beer's in it for the boys if they pull off the manouver. If the offer is good enough, launch the attack. If not, tell him to shove it and call back when he finds some more beer. 6. Accept the order, tell the troops it is the Will of Allah, and be sure to stumble and be knocked senseless early in the attack so as to delay proving the truth about the 72 virgins for another few years. 7. Examine the odds arrayed before you. Conclude that the enemy does not stand a chance. Sharpen your curved knives and smile. 8. Accept the order, as tradition demands. Diligently evolve the most devious attack possible. Lead your men into battle wielding your sword as honour requires. 9. Madre De Dios! This plan is insane. Phone your brother, who is the General's adjutant and your cousin who works at Army HQ and get them to pressure your third-cousin (the General) to cancel this suicidal attack. 10. Get a translator to explain the commander's order to make sure there is no confusion. Then explain how your own restricted ROE prohibits such offensive action outside certain specific demarkated zones, of which this is not one. Then explain how your troops do not have the appropriate equipment or training for this mission. Then explain that blue berets make excellent targets. By the time all explanations are complete, the attack launch hour has passed and the point is moot. 11. Yiiiiiiii'cha! The Hunt begins....... 12. Having been created only for this explicit purpose, it would never occur to you to question. Carry out your orders unconcerned about your survival. If you survive, you will have outlived your purpose and will be re-integrated into the protein supply chain anyway.