I found this poem ages ago and just dug it up while unpacking some gaming
stuff. I can't remember the web site to give proper credit, but the wemaster,
according to the prontout I havem, couldn't recall the original author, so
it's anonymous by now. enjoy.
3B^2
Advice to a British Lead Soldier by Flashdout Kasting
If yer painted with oils and washed with a brush,
If yer de-tail's all crisp and yer parting-line's flush,
Remember it don't mean a tittle or tush To the Man Who Writes The Rules. If
yer coat's painted red when it ought to be blue,
An yer 'at's an off-color, yer skin's a sick hue,
It don't matter a bit 'ow some fool painted you, For you lives and you dies by
The Rules.
If yer paint is all chinky from years o' hard use, An yer bayonet's gone an
one arm's hangin loose, Yer as good as the next 'un an' just as much use, To
the Man Who Writes The Rules.
Oh he knows all the hist'ry, he thinks an' he reads, And what 'e don't know 'e
can fake if he needs, 'E can tell you the pace of men, camels or steeds, An'
the 2D morale O' the mules. He's a Solomon wise with a sceptre an' crown, He's
historian. mathematician and clown, An' he don't care a whit (which is good!)
for renown. He's The Man Who Writes The Rules.
If yer lined with a marker, or lined with a pen,
Painted double-ought sable or camel-hair ten,
It's one an' the same when the dice roll again, For you lives an' you dies by
The Rules.
If yer base is magnetic, or coinage, or card, If yer pose is high port, or
reloading, or guard, If yer bough by the casting or bought by the yard, It
don't mean a toss if yer plastic or hard To The Man Who Writes The Rules.
On styrofoam hill or vermiculite plain,
When the tape-measures whire and the dice roll again,
An' the pizza-smell's thick, so's to rattle yer brain,
It's The Rules that permit, an' The Rules that restrain, And you lives and you
dies by The Rules.
For the painter's a grind and the gamer's a plod; The collector, 'e's just an
obsessive old sod, But I tell you, 'e's bloody well near to a God, Is The Man
Who Writes The Rules.
Oh, The Rules they are fresh, or The Rules, they are stale, An' they favour
the dusky or favour the pale, An' they're overly broad or 'ave too much
detail, An' they don't know the difference 'twixt Congreve or Hale, An' they
finish too quick or they plod on too long,
An' they figure the spears or machine-guns too strong,
An' their cavalry movement is simply all wrong, But when the dice sing o'
their rattley song It's all just the prattle of fools. For you lives and you
dies Mind, you lives and yo8u dies Yes, you lives and you dies By The Rules.
this was written a while back as a KIPLING PARODY by DAVE HELBER over on the
yahoo colonialwars list.
DAVE is better known to gamers as THE MAJOR GENERAL, owner of MAJOR GENERAL
TREMORDEN REDDERRING"S COLONIAL WARFARE PAGE, nd home of the QUARGISTAN
BATTLES.
known DAVE since way back in the 70s when he moved to DALLAS and became a
gamer.
he is good folks.
> From: DAWGFACE47@webtv.net
> this was written a while back as a KIPLING PARODY by DAVE HELBER over
Damn funny stuff.
> DAVE is better known to gamers as THE MAJOR GENERAL, owner of MAJOR
URL?
> he is good folks.
Takes on to know one.
3B^2
oops! i have to get the www address from another place.
poem was dedicated to LVB-LARRY V> BROM, writer of THE SWORD AND THE
FLAME colonial wargame rules., another nice guy.
Speaking of the site that Karl posted, check out the last entry on the same
page, under "Believe it or not." The 'Strines on the list will especially
appreciate it.
3B^2
> Brian Bilderbeck wrote:
I've got this one on my website - if your printout had something above
the poem about cats, standing stones and gaming, that's from my site.
I also don't know who originally wrote it - thanks for someone else
ID'ing
the author in another post on this thread - I'll update the page soon.
I'm a Kipling fan, politically incorrect dead white European guy that he is,
so finding this one on a Usenet group ages ago was pretty cool.
He wrote some blood-chilling poems about Afganistan, come to think of
it. Hope none of the troops operating there now have read them... "...roll to
yer rifle an' blow out your brains/an' go to yer God like a soldier..."
Brian Burger schrieb:
> I'm a Kipling fan, politically incorrect dead white
Indeed, he wrote some impressive - and often highly emotional - stuff.
Another blood-curdling Afghanistan one is "Arithmetic on the frontier",
with verses like these:
A scrimmage in a Border Station  A canter down some dark defile  Two
thousand pounds of education
Drops to a ten-rupee jezail Â
The Crammer's boast, the Squadron's pride, Shot like a rabbit in a ride!
The full text can be found, for example, at:
http://whitewolf.newcastle.edu.au/words/authors/K/KiplingRudyard/verse/v
ol1/arithmeticfrontier.html
Greetings
From: "Brian Bilderback" <bbilderback@hotmail.com>
> Speaking of the site that Karl posted, check out the last entry on the
The story's essentially true too - though it's been a bit embroidered in
the telling. Ok, a LOT embroidered.
The reality is at
http://www.dsto.defence.gov.au/corporate/publicity/articles/kangaroos.ht
ml
> Brian Burger wrote:
> I'm a Kipling fan, politically incorrect dead white European guy that
Yeah, you gotta love a writer who can make Ernest Hemingway seem like a
starry-eyed optimist. LOL Of course, Kipling COULD be upbeat at times
-
see "The Brushwood Boy" for example.
3B^2
> From: "Alan and Carmel Brain" <aebrain@webone.com.au>
> The story's essentially true too - though it's been a bit embroidered
An Australian story? EMBELLISHED???????????????????????????? Shocked, I
am,
just SHOCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;-)
3B^2
> On Tue, Mar 19, 2002 at 06:43:28AM -0800, Brian Bilderback wrote:
> Yeah, you gotta love a writer who can make Ernest Hemingway seem like a
> starry-eyed optimist. LOL Of course, Kipling COULD be upbeat at times
Not to mention the "obvious" SF - With the Night Mail and As Easy as
ABC, for example.
He wrote what he saw; and, far too often, saw what he wrote.
> Roger Burton West wrote:
> Not to mention the "obvious" SF - With the Night Mail and As Easy as
True of most good writers, I think - whether they write about war or
other topics.
3B^2
Here it is:
http://www.zeitcom.com/majgen/index.html
A really COOL page. And downright funny! (Read the battles...)
(Even if it is a Colonial Era page.)
Donald Hosford
> Brian Bilderback wrote:
> >From: DAWGFACE47@webtv.net